Harass is Not Two Words

I don’t remember exactly what I said to the assistant manager at the chain restaurant I worked at when I was in my early 20s as a waitress. It might have been an intelligent or biting comment, but it didn’t warrant what came next. He responded by slapping me on the buttocks – hard.   The smack could be heard in the dining room, and he and I looked at each other, shocked.   For him, I think he was taken aback that it was so loud and that he had struck a staff member. For me, it was the fact that someone had spanked me like a child, but it was not done with the parental oversight of trying to teach a young progeny right from wrong; it was done to silence me.  A couple of other staff members had also seen it, so it would not be a “he said/she said” situation. As far as jobs go, server positions were easy to come by in Miami, so the threat of “You’ll never work in this town again!” was hollow. 

He ran away, trying to get as much distance between us as possible. Rather than just take it, to my amazement, I stood up for myself. As my left cheek tingled and stung from the force of impact, I followed him and cornered him in the alcove where the servers rolled silverware when we didn’t have a party that would be seated there.  He looked scared. He was a young manager, and this was clearly out of expertise, but he got the message.   

    “Hey Kelley, I’m sorry. I’m not sure why I did that, please – forgive me!” he begged, thinking more of his job than currying my dispensation.  

    “Don’t you ever lay a hand on any of the staff like that again, or I swear to God I will go to Bruce,” I said, referencing the area manager who would probably actually do something about it – the general manager – not so much. 

    “Okay, I’m sorry, let me make it up to you....Here’s a gift card for a free order of zucchini sticks,” he offered as a quick settlement. 

    “No thanks, keep it. But seriously, I don’t want you to ever touch the wait staff,” I said, walking away with my rump still burning. 

When I got off my shift, I went into the back bathroom with another female server and asked if she could see anything. We both looked, and there was a red handprint. Now, I had another witness who was ready to back me up if I ever needed it. Luckily, I didn’t. The Kiefer Sutherland look-alike never bothered the servers again and was later transferred. In hindsight, decades later, I should have reported him, but this was the early 90s, and who knows what would have happened - more than likely, nothing, and I would have been fired.

Fast forward to today, where claims against men, both famous and unknown, seem to abound and are being taken seriously.  I thought the torrent would have started when the allegations against Bill Cosby came to light. I had blogged then about my assault in college and received kind words of support, but it did not even approach the dam breaking after the Harvey Weinstein revelations. Maybe because Weinstein had affected more women, maybe because it wasn’t TV’s lovable Cliff Huxtable who seemed a world away from the terrible things that Cosby was accused of doing. Weinstein was never part of our national conscience. He was not “Fat Albert”. He never tried to teach us right from wrong. When his crimes came to light – it was easier to start shining the light on all the rodents in Hollywood, politics, and other industries. We are still watching them scatter like vermin to either deny the charges or, in some cases, come clean and admit what they have done. What we see now are serious repercussions – long overdue and badly needed. 

But in these early days of the #MeToo and #TimesUp movement, there is confusion on what constitutes a one-time lapse in judgment vs. a pattern of foul or abusive behavior.   A company that has a clear sexual harassment policy and a way to report issues is going to be way ahead of the ones that are just now figuring out how they are going to handle those accusations.  I’ve heard radio DJs wonder out loud if holding a door constitutes sexual harassment. The answer is no – it’s just good manners. I’ve heard young men worry that if they ask someone out and say no, does that mean harassment – again, not if you say thanks and move on.  

The Harvey Weinstein Effect has exposed countless men who use their positions to pressure women for favors and then deny it as per their lawyers or try to make into the women’s fault for consenting to meet them privately in their office or after work for dinner or coffee.   Many women are programmed to be people pleasers – so even if our internal instincts are screaming – “OH HELL NO!” many will take that private after-hours closed-door meeting and hope for the best.   

What all companies need to do now is review their procedures for

reporting abuse. An incident report form needs to be developed, and a confidential way to report infractions must be implemented. Management needs to have a clear expectation of what is acceptable and what is unacceptable behavior, and it needs to be a training that all employees– including executive staff and board members- should attend. The last thing any company needs right now is even a hint of impropriety, so sitting down and explaining the rules should be part of a regular training/new orientation program. Knowing your rights and how to report an issue to the proper chain of command is now a vital skill in the workplace.

Here are a few steps that might help if you are ever in a situation where you need to report abuse or are thinking of reporting an incident that happened in the past:

•      If it is recent - report it immediately to the HR department. If you work for a small company and HR is the boss’s wife, and he’s the perpetrator, tell a friend. 
•      Document everything that happened – date, time, place, what was said and anyone who could have witnessed it.   
•      Save the report in several places so it can’t be deleted or hacked.
•      If you feel that you will not get any help from your company’s Human Resources Department, contact the Employment Equal Opportunity Commission (EEOC) and make a complaint.
•      If you have something like Legal Shield, you can talk to an attorney who can guide you on how to file a grievance or lawsuit if it comes to that.

Thankfully, for victims of sexual harassment and abuse, the tide is turning, and there is no longer a stigma attached to speaking out. Now if another server gets slapped by a manager, she can legally slap back. 

The Butt Starts Here!

My first introduction into the employment digestive tract was in high school as a grocery store cashier.  I had a really great first boss named Mr. Butler.  He was an assistant manager, and he always treated the cashiers with respect.  I knew that I wouldn't be there for more than a year and this guy knew that was the case with the majority of the people he supervised.  Yet, he always took the time to check in and ask how I was doing.  If I had any problems or ideas, he wanted to know about it.  He asked us to take pride in ringing up our guests - because in his mind if you thought of them as your guests and not customers, you flat out treated them better.  He instilled in me that if you worked hard, and did a good job, your boss would notice. You just enjoyed being around this guy and wanted to work your ass off to make him happy.  In short, you felt valued and you wanted to make him and the company look good. To this day, he's one of best bosses I've ever had. 

I’m so grateful he was my first boss – it gave me a strong role model to compare the ones that would later wear that mantle in my working life.  I have been in the workforce since I was 16 which gives me roughly 37 years of experience in a wide range of industries from retail,

marketing, food service, non-profits, the arts, healthcare, education, child welfare, faith-based organizations and large corporations.  In that time, I've been in both senior management and a regular employee.  I've worked for some outstanding bosses and some real tools. Unfortunately, the tools far outnumber the ones who literally had their shit together.

Poorly run organizations have become a national epidemic.  Bad management and disengaged employees are wreaking havoc on our economy and these numbers bear it out:

•      The percentage of U.S. workers considered engaged in their jobs averaged 32%. The majority (50.8%) of employees were "not engaged," while another 17.2% were "actively disengaged." (Gallup)

·     Actively disengaged employees cost the US $450 billion to $550 billion in lost productivity per year and undermine the success of their co-workers. (Gallup)

•      At the end of 2015, the number of employees who voluntarily quit surpassed the number fired or discharged at 3.1 million.  (US Bureau of Labor Statistics)

•      Between 2009 and 2014, the S&P 500 earned a return of 121 percent. By contrast, a ratings-weighted portfolio of low-rated employee satisfaction companies earned just 91.5 percent, under-performing the S&P 500 by 29.5 percent. (Glassdoor Research)
·        1 in 5 workers intend to jump ship within a year. (Forbes Magazine)

Now if you are an employee, you're probably going - "Yeah, I know that's right."   If you are a boss or an HR director, you might want to stick your head in the commode and flush several times to end it all.  Keep in mind that unless your boss is the owner of the business, he/she is someone's employee and these stats are probably something they are struggling with too. That's why I’ve created the The Cheek Principle:  How to Keep Your Organization From Being Half-Assed.  I want organizations whether they are regular businesses, non-

profits or organizations like churches or PTA's to run better and to also have a sense of humor about how to get it done.   This is not a blog for just management or staff - it's for both because both sides need to understand each other in order to work well together.  The good news is that companies that have a strong sense  of the importance of a happy workplace get some solid dividends:

•      Stocks of S&P 500 public companies which were bought between 2009 and 2014 showed that the portfolios of companies with high employee satisfaction returned 243.3 percent versus the S&P 500 Index return of 121 percent during the same period. (Glassdoor Research)

•      Employees who are happy at work take 10 times fewer sick days than unhappy employees. (Wall Street Journal)

•      36% of employees would give up $5,000 a year in salary to be happier at work. (Randstad 2015 study)

•      Happy salespeople produce 37% greater sales. (Growth Engineering UK 2014)

•      82% of polled employees are more satisfied with their jobs when they receive recognition. (Globoforce)

The reality is that the best companies work to retain their talented people

because the staff members genuinely love working there and giving them incentives to do a good job is not that expensive.  The bad companies that are teetering on the edge lose their high performers to the good companies that know how to engage their staff with solid management.  Even some "Good to Great" companies have gone from "Great to Oblivion" when they forgot how to treat their employees, their customers and lost sight of their mission.  Let's face it - your employees are your customers.  If they are unhappy and won't use or recommend your products or services -- no one else will.

So why do so many organizations put up with crap-tastic management?  Why can’t they see when someone clearly is not managing their employees well and undermining their high performers?  Why do they double down on bad decisions rather than realizing their error and going back to the drawing board?  Why does the bible warn that “pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall?” (there’s actually a lot of good business advice in the Bible) Sadly it’s because the founders or senior executives were either never really trained on how to manage

people or the company has a kill or be killed mentality or the bottom line is the only thing that matters. If a bad manager is bringing in good numbers – then it’s okay look the other way. That mentality might work in the short term but it’s just plain not sustainable in the long-run.   

I'll be blogging about some common issues in every organization because human nature is human nature and you flat out can't escape it no matter where you work (in other words, you will run into assholes - it's an occupational hazard of life).  I'd love to hear your stories and ideas - especially if you had a boss that inspired you like Mr. Butler inspired me. If you have a negative story to share – I’d love to hear that too.

Thanks and here's to helping your organization become better with both cheeks intact - tattoos are optional.